IMBECILITY IS ALSO THE MOTHER OF INVENTION, OR AT LEAST THE AUNT

The following is an actual, verbatim news item--

"BEERBELLY IS A BIG SUCCESS

The Beerbelly - a secret strap-on beer holder that disguises itself as a bulging beer belly - is being marketed in the US.

It was the brainchild of three middle-aged men who wanted a way of sneaking beer into movies and baseball games.

Within just five days of launching their www.thebeerbelly.com website, they had an incredible two million hits and calls for it to be sold worldwide.

The $35 Beerbelly's harnesses slip over the shoulders and around the waist, under a shirt, leaving onlookers thinking the wearer just spends too much time in the pub.

But little do they know, the wearer doesn't actually need the pub - he, or she, has an 80-ounce plastic bladder full of beer constantly at hand."


Yes indeed, a brilliant concept. Well, unless perhaps you are put off by...

The idea of sitting in a ballpark with an ice-cold stomach. Or the notion of your own beer belly growing progressively colder even as your supply of beer grows progressively WARMER. Or trying to figure out exactly how you pour the beer from the gutsack into a cup without looking to others like you're drinking your own pee. Or wondering what the hell you do if the thing springs a leak during, say, the 7th inning stretch.

Other than that, hell yeah, terrific new product. Edison would be consumed with envy.