BUTT HOLY

Wouldn't you know it? Within 48 hours of my silly little blog posting about those things upon which the image of Jesus had not yet been reportedly seen, I run across the website of an entrepreneur by the e-commerce name of Divine Interventions, being a purveyor of sex toys, adult novelties, marital aids, choose your favorite euphemism for synthetically produced items that you thrust into yourself and/or your partner for erotic pleasure. And on that site I encounter a dismaying reality.

Some background: On my most recent blog entry, I listed, as a public service to those wishing to claim to have seen the face of Jesus on something or other, a number of items and objects that were still up for grabs, look-it's-the-spitting-image-of-Our-Lord-wise. Things that absolutely nobody had yet reported having seen the mug of the Nazarene adorning. And on my list was, of course, "butt plug." Bless me, I thought that was a pretty safe assumption.

But two days later, as I say, I had occasion to run across the Divine Interventions site. We won't waste time on such irrelevencies as why or how I happened to visit the DI dotcom. The point is, DI specializes in, not to put to fine a point on it, sacred-religious-figure dildos, items of salacious insertion fashioned in the image of sacred personages. There was a Buddha dildo, and a Virgin Mary dildo, and some other dildi, and then there was what, based on their graphics, was apparently their centerpiece item, perhaps even their corporate totem: the Baby Jesus Butt Plug. I'm just going to give you a minute or two to embrace that imagery.

Okay, it's true that I was referring, in my previous post list, to items that the visage of the adult Jesus had been perceived upon, and not novelty products that were basically tiny, pliable, obscene versions of the infant Messiah's entire head and shoulders. Still and all, as one of America's leading imaginary journalists, I've got to post the disclaimer: In the strictest satirical sense, there now has been "a butt plug with what looks to be the face of Jesus on it." Whew, thanks; I needed to get that off my chest. I feel cleaner already. Or maybe that's just the medication.