Thursday, March 31, 2005

THREE JOKES

This is, after all, categorized as a humor blog, so it's probably long past time to put some in. I found the following three jokes amusing. Perhaps you will, too.


A Washington D.C. lobbyist driving home from work finds himself stalled in the worst traffic jam he's ever experienced. On the shoulder, he sees a policeman talking into a two-way radio, and asks him what's going on. "The President's motorcade is stalled up ahead," says the cop. "It seems he's having a kind of nervous breakdown. He's halted the motorcade and says that the deficit has gotten so huge, he doesn't want to go on living. He's threatened to douse himself with gasoline and end it all. The situation is so bad, we've been taking up a collection for him."
"That's terrible," says the lobbyist. "How much have you got, so far?"
"Just twelve gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning."

A man comes home one day to find a gorilla on his roof. He checks the yellow pages and sure enough, there is a listing under "Gorilla Removal." He calls the number, and before long a man arrives in a van, from which he takes a ladder, a baseball bat, a pit bull and a shotgun. "What's all this for?" the homeowner asks.
"I put the ladder against the house, go up on the roof, knock the gorilla off the roof with the bat, and the pit bull immediately grabs the gorilla's testicles in his jaws, which paralyzes him with pain until I can load him into the van."
"What's the shotgun for?"
"That's for you," he says, handing it over. "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

Two woman, traveling separately, are in adjoining seats in an airplane. Shortly after takeoff, one woman sneezes, then shudders violently, and gently wipes her nose. A few minutes later, she sneezes again, and again her body is rocked by a pronounced spasm. This pattern recurs several times, until her seatmate finally asks, "I'm sorry, but are you having some kind of seizure, and should I call an attendant?"
"Oh no," the sneezer smiles, "I simply suffer from a rare neurological condition. Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
"Good heavens," says the seatmate. "Are you taking anything for it?"
"Mostly just pepper," she replies.

2 Comments:

Blogger ....J.Michael Robertson said...

Your use of the word "testicles" in a comic context is masterful.

April 3, 2005 at 11:27 AM  
Blogger B. Wieder said...

Br'er Robertson's use of the word "masterful" in a comment on the use of the word "testicles" is...I dunno...tumescent or something.

April 3, 2005 at 9:10 PM  

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