TERRI AND THE PIRATES

Allow me to apologize for even touching on the almost indescribably repugnant subject of the politicization of Terri Schaivo, but...

It does provide us with just one more brick in the Wall of Proof that Tom DeLay is in fact and indisputably the most despicable human being to hold public office since, oh, Taras Bulba. Okay, since Stalin.

The brick: He knew instantly what he had in Terri -- a no-lose sop to the Insanely Fundamentalist Christian Bund. If by some convoluted reasoning a Federal judge were to rule for the parents, DeLouse has ridden to the rescue and cut schoolmarm Schiavo free of the railroad tracks of anti-life liberalism rampant. On the other hand if -- as I'm sure he fully expects -- there is no legal redress forthcoming, he has his calculatedly hoped-for banner line for the next two years: "Just one more reason that we MUST confirm the strict constructionist judges nominated by President Bush, to ensure that there will be no more betrayals of human life-is-sacred decency by the liberal activist judiciary. No more Terri Schiavos! Avenge her death! Write your senator! Vote Republican!"

These days, my response to Christian pamphleteers who ask if I've "heard the wonderful news" is:
"Really? You mean Jesus returned to earth, fucked Tom DeLay in the ass, and then fed him into a wood chipper? Hallelujah!"

This rant brought to you by End Times Accelerators, Inc.