INVESTING IN SHORT-TERM BONDS

Here are the latest data from the statistics crunchers at the Baseball Abstract, for those who are perhaps PLANNING IN EXCESSIVELY GREAT DETAIL for their upcoming Fantasy League draft.

The odds against Barry Bonds dying this season from:

Being whacked by a hit man under contract to the Babe Ruth International Fan Club..........2-1

Being whacked by a hit man under contract to the Hank Aaron International Fan Club..........6-1

Gradual wasting away as a result of the ravages of steroid withdrawal..........15-1

Terminal boredom after receiving his 288th consecutive intentional walk..........20-1

A fatal beanball thrown by an enraged pitcher whom he’s homered off of ONCE TOO OFTEN..........30-1

Choking on his own tears while apologizing to the fans for behaving like such an aloof and arrogant asshole.............5,000-1