Wednesday, March 23, 2005


The minute that she upset Venus Williams at Wimbledon last year, she also became the presumptive, indeed runaway winner, in the Athlete Whose Name Will Be Responsible For The Most Amusing Typographical Errors sweepstakes. I speak, of course, of rising young Croatian tennis star Karolina Sprem. It'll be even better if she turns out to be "bankable."
(Source: USA Today, 6/25/04, p. 13C.)

In one week in June, a man in Alpaugh, CA was busted for growing 57 pot plants because he had let them grow to a height of 7 feet, considerably higher than his fence and therefore clearly visible to passersby; a man in Scranton, PA was busted for growing 146 pot plants directly above his stoner-oriented record store, the narc-magnetically named Electric Mindshaft; and pro-pot activists in one Nevada county failed to meet the deadline to file their 6,000 petition signatures to get a legalization measure on the state ballot because, uh, er, they forgot. Some people just get too deeply involved in their work.
(Sources: Luis Hernandez, Visalia Times-Delta online, 6/19/04; Chris Birk, Scranton Times Tribune online, 6/23/04; AP--Las Vegas--6/25/04.)

Among the actual scholarships currently available to prospective college students:
$500 for linguistics majors, offered by the Klingon Language Institute;
$500 awarded for spiritual tolerance by the Free Spirit Alliance, a pagan organization;
$1,500 for those who win a duck calling contest in Stuttgart, Arkansas;
$12,000 for having the last name Scarpinato and planning to attend Texas A&M.
(Source: Rebecca Trounson, "Column One," L.A. Times online, 6/25/04.)

Researchers at the University of Hamburg have found that college students who have frequent sex boost their mental abilities significantly, get better grades, and finish their courses more quickly, while celibate students have more trouble with their classes. Would to God that I had had this “She who fornicates, graduates” argument in my arsenal of persuasion when I was in school.
(Source: "Quirkies" 6/8/04, citing U. of Hamburg professor Werner Habermehl and research institute GEWIS,)

Just when you thought your home was already totally wired, now comes from Toto, the Japanese toilet makers, the electronically tricked-out Neorest toilet, a computerized commode with sensors that you can program to automatically raise and lower the lid and seat, a wireless remote for the same purpose, a deodorizer, your basic spray massage feature, and a warm-air dryer. Personally, I needed to hit the crapper the minute I heard the price: $5,000.
(Sources: AP--Carlsbad, Calif.--6/8/04, citing Wall St. Journal; CNN/Money online, New York--6/8/04.)

To the wonderful and steadfast citizens of Fucking, Windpassing, and Vomitville, the actual, long-established, time-honored names of three towns in Austria, all of which held ballot box referenda last year on whether to change their names, and all of which voted not to. Since I am a citizen of the world, Ich bin ein Fuckinger.
(Source: “Quirkies,” 6/8/04.)


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