FORGIVE ME. IT'S A WEAKNESS OF CHARACTER. I BLAME IT ON ALL THOSE YEARS OF WRITING FOR PENTHOUSE.

Anyone who knows me knows that I would be unable to resist bringing the Actual News Item below to the attention of those persons unfortunate enough to be reading this blog, any more than I could refrain from immediately coming up with the following possible headlines for it:

Kill This Crazy Bastard Before He Screws Things Up For All Of Us
Adding A Colorful New Dimension To The Whole "Volunteerism" Concept
The Sperminator
Paging Angelina Jolie!
The Ultimate Stocking Stuffer
Test Pilots Wanted: Must Have The Writhe Stuff


And now the item...


Women wanted to test sex machine

A Serbian man who has invented a sex machine for women is appealing to western women to test his device.
Nesa Proka, from the central town of Krusevac, made the appeal after failing to find any willing Serbian women.
He has taken out a patent on what he says is the "ultimate sex aid" for lonely women after spending three years working on it.
The machine, which runs on a 390 volt electric engine, simulates sex and has a seven and a half inch artificial 'penis'.
He said: "My sex machine has an artificial penis that can make up to 180 moves in a minute. A man can only manage that intensity of movement for about five seconds but the machine can do it for as long as the woman wants.
"And it comes with a set of controls to fully regulate the speed and intensity a woman for individual sex."
But Proka said he would have to market it in the west because he had not been able to find any Serbian woman to test it out.
"Western women are more liberal. I couldn't find a woman here to try the sex machine," he told local daily Glas Javnosti.
But he did admit that some local women were curious about his invention and a few had come into his garage where he keeps it locked away just to look at it.
One reportedly told the newspaper: "If I had a machine like that at home I would never go outside the front door."


Also, as your reward for actually reading through the above, the following I have plucked from the Defective Yeti website, 10/27/06 posting. Don't know who he(?) is or where she(?) got it from, but it's an occasionally recurring feature. It's a sampling of highlight quotes pulled from negative film reviews. It's amusing.


The Bad Review Revue

School for Scoundrels : "To call it slight is to slight the word 'slight.'" -- David Elliott, SAN DIEGO UNION-TRIBUNE

Man of the Year: "Many actors were paid to pretend Williams is still funny." -- Chris Hewitt, ST. PAUL PIONEER PRESS

Employee of the Month: "It's simply too depressing that people sat in a boardroom, read this script and said, 'We're ready to go!'" -- David Gilmour, GLOBE AND MAIL

One Night With The King: "Dear Lord, why must Your most ardent followers unleash such bad movies in Your name?" -- Josh Bell, LAS VEGAS WEEKLY

Flyboys: "If the current legroom in economy class doesn't make you resent the birth of the Wright Brothers, Flyboys certainly will." -- Michael Booth, DENVER POST

The Grudge 2: "Likely to induce deja vu. Not the cool, eerie deja vu, but the 'Hey, isn't that exactly what happened in the first movie?' deja vu." -- Michael Ordona, LOS ANGELES TIMES

The Covenant: "Movies like this are why we have eyelids." -- Colin Covert, MINNEAPOLIS STAR TRIBUNE
[ link | Bad Review Revue]