IF ANY OF YOUR "SURVIVOR" TRIBE MEMBERS HAVE BROUGHT A DECK OF CARDS, JUST KILL THEM NOW

The American Contract Bridge League, having some time to kill between hands, conducted a worldwide survey which asked bridge players who they would choose as companions if stranded on a desert island. Fifteen percent said Jacques Cousteau, despite the fact that he's been dead longer than irony. Nineteen percent said Tom Hanks, evidently in the belief that "Castaway" was a documentary. And forty-two percent (my favorite group, just because of the Darwinian implications) said they'd rather be stranded with three other bridge players than with anyone who merely came equipped with survival skills.